Yeah? Well for me, today is one of those moments. I haven't been getting many hours at work lately and here comes the ultimate bombshell: I'm sick and one of the few days that I'm scheduled for this week is tomorrow... which I may have to call in for since I don't want to cough all over everyone's food (I work food prep in a restaurant).
El Salvador... the trip of a lifetime... the trip that could be the key to finding out what God wants for my life... the trip I have to raise a total of $4,000 for... I'm hoping to get $3,000 of that from outside sources and I was hoping to provide myself with the first thousand for plane tickets and whatever else is needed. But now... now I'm asking God what He's doing.
I wanted to be able to contribute to my own cause, not to just beg others for money. Is that so small of a request? Just to raise $3,000 in 3 months would be a miracle. Now is God asking me to have faith in Him for all $4,000?
Maybe there's a lesson in all of this...
Over the past few days, I feel like I've been hearing the same phrase over and again: "It's not about you."
My boyfriend and I had a wonderful time at our college Spring Banquet. That's where I first heard the phrase. The theme of the banquet was, "It's all about you." but the message behind it was, "It's all about Him" (obviously the "Him" being Jesus Christ).
Maybe God is trying to convict me about something here... something important... something I try *my* best to reflect and fail every time...
I try to make myself part of the solution... I say, "God, I'll let you step in for most of my needs, but I wanna help!" Helping isn't bad in and of itself, but what if I'm putting myself before Him? My faith is not bigger than my fears. I always want to have a back-up plan just in case I'm trusting God for the wrong thing. But if I'm trusting Him for the right thing, it will all fall into place on its own... Maybe I just need to recognize that.
Again and again, I am reminded that my name means "crown", but constantly I struggle to understand the significance behind it... A crown is a symbol, but a symbol of what? A symbol of royalty... but if I am to be a symbol of royalty, of what sort of royal symbol am I? A symbol of righteousness? Of faith? Of peace? Of what??? My King is the King over all kings... I suppose a little faith in Him wouldn't be too much to ask...
After all, everything I do should not be meant to please myself, but to please Him.
Maybe this is simply a test of faith. After all, "...faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Heb 11:1)
Maybe I am meant to be a crown of faith... My needs have always been provided, I have always had the protection of God on my life (trust me, if I didn't, I would know!), and no matter how worried I get about things, they always work out the way God intended. Maybe this is yet another of God's intentional moves. And as a crown, I should simply shine for Him, no matter how many clouds I can't see through.
I wasn't sure if I was going to really publish this online for you all to see, but honestly, if I ask God to work, then why should I be nervous about making a claim on God's faithfulness?
"When we work, we work.
When we pray, God works."
