Sunday, February 28, 2016

A Crown of Hope

Ever have those moments when you begin to wonder, "God, what *are* you doing?"

Yeah? Well for me, today is one of those moments. I haven't been getting many hours at work lately and here comes the ultimate bombshell: I'm sick and one of the few days that I'm scheduled for this week is tomorrow... which I may have to call in for since I don't want to cough all over everyone's food (I work food prep in a restaurant).

El Salvador... the trip of a lifetime... the trip that could be the key to finding out what God wants for my life... the trip I have to raise a total of $4,000 for... I'm hoping to get $3,000 of that from outside sources and I was hoping to provide myself with the first thousand for plane tickets and whatever else is needed. But now... now I'm asking God what He's doing.

I wanted to be able to contribute to my own cause, not to just beg others for money. Is that so small of a request? Just to raise $3,000 in 3 months would be a miracle. Now is God asking me to have faith in Him for all $4,000?

Maybe there's a lesson in all of this...

Over the past few days, I feel like I've been hearing the same phrase over and again: "It's not about you."

My boyfriend and I had a wonderful time at our college Spring Banquet. That's where I first heard the phrase. The theme of the banquet was, "It's all about you." but the message behind it was, "It's all about Him" (obviously the "Him" being Jesus Christ).

Maybe God is trying to convict me about something here... something important... something I try *my* best to reflect and fail every time...

I try to make myself part of the solution... I say, "God, I'll let you step in for most of my needs, but I wanna help!" Helping isn't bad in and of itself, but what if I'm putting myself before Him? My faith is not bigger than my fears. I always want to have a back-up plan just in case I'm trusting God for the wrong thing. But if I'm trusting Him for the right thing, it will all fall into place on its own... Maybe I just need to recognize that.

Again and again, I am reminded that my name means "crown", but constantly I struggle to understand the significance behind it... A crown is a symbol, but a symbol of what? A symbol of royalty... but if I am to be a symbol of royalty, of what sort of royal symbol am I? A symbol of righteousness? Of faith? Of peace? Of what??? My King is the King over all kings... I suppose a little faith in Him wouldn't be too much to ask...
After all, everything I do should not be meant to please myself, but to please Him.

Maybe this is simply a test of faith. After all, " is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Heb 11:1)

Maybe I am meant to be a crown of faith... My needs have always been provided, I have always had the protection of God on my life (trust me, if I didn't, I would know!), and no matter how worried I get about things, they always work out the way God intended. Maybe this is yet another of God's intentional moves. And as a crown, I should simply shine for Him, no matter how many clouds I can't see through.

I wasn't sure if I was going to really publish this online for you all to see, but honestly, if I ask God to work, then why should I be nervous about making a claim on God's faithfulness?

"When we work, we work.
When we pray, God works."

Tuesday, February 23, 2016


Haven't posted in quite some time...
Guess that means that it's time for some updates!

Obviously I've started my last semester of college (part of the reason why I haven't updated in a while). It's going well, I'm enjoying my classes. An easy class schedule has made my days a little less stressful time-wise, but considering all that I need to accomplish before I graduate has created some stress in that direction.

Progress towards El Salvador:
At this moment, I believe that God is leading me toward this trip. I have prayed that God would direct me and that if this is not His will, He would put a stumbling block in my way. So far in prayer, fasting, counselling, and etc., all of these have been pointing in a positive direction. Every time I mention it, there is no opposition, only positivity (it's actually part of the reason I've been so nervous!).

I am currently in the process of getting my adult passport (please pray that there will be no issues with this as the timing is so short) and I am also trying to save money for the plane tickets. I will also need to research travel insurance to see what will best suit my needs in the country. There is much to plan for in making this trip a reality.

On this final note, I am enjoying the fact that this is my final semester. Exciting things are coming: Senior photos and the Spring Banquet this Friday... Praise the Lord! :)